Vincent:

Dear Vince,

No matter what you think, I did not have sex with Monika, who you are apparently dating now? When did that happen? Last time I checked you hated her. You were mad she got you put into the hospital. SHE SENT PEOPLE TO BEAT YOU UP, REMEMBER?! ....God, I swear something is wrong with you. You have no right to accuse me of things like that. Monika is feeding you lies. I thought I was dumb, but I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you. She doesn't like you. She's using you. Dating? She's got a boyfriend, dumbass. And she's probably cheating on him with you. Congratulations, Vince.

No wonder Connor says you've been acting odd. You're secretly banging Monika again. You're not that stupid are you? I mean, come on!

Oh and I couldn't have had sex with her, because apparently I'm gay! But I bet that might convince my mother I'm not dating Connor!

Call me back when you're not being a dick and you realize that you had an insane lapse in judgment due to the lack of oxygen getting to your brain.

Sincerely,

Jake

^^ Another reason why my life is awkward.